On one hand, I'm aware of playing it down, keeping it hidden. I feel justified in saying to students that I am studying too, that I can empathise with assignment stress, deadlines etc., but I'm not disclosing exactly what I'm doing...
On the other hand, I'm dreaming stuff...waking in the middle of the night with thoughts and ideas racing around. It's obviously more prominently in my mind than I think.
I've been invited to a conference tomorrow on digital media and youth work. Really exciting and I'm hoping to get some Assignment 2 focus. However, I still feel that I'm a bit of a sham, that I perhaps shouldn't be there, that I don't really know anything...
The photo shows the next performance to script: different roles are illustrated. I think that the circus analogy is important because it implies flexibility, accountability, comedy and risk and this might be the link to identity? Important question was about 'who the ringmaster is', who's in control? The answer is of course, me, but it doesn't always feel like it......
I reckon that your experience of self-doubt is a sure fire sign of doctoral engagement - in doing so are you not creating space for growth?
ReplyDeleteIf you're not having weird dreams you're not trying hard enough!